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I’m hoping someone here can give some advice
My OH was in a fairly serious motorcycle accident a year ago. He ended up losing a kidney and his spleen. He spent 3 days in a high dependency unit.
He has recovered well and is back at work etc. But since the accident he is constantly obsessing over things that are wrong with him. There is always something. A pain in his stomach. A headache. A pain in his groin. To the point that before I walk in the house every day I think to myself “I wonder what’s wrong with him now”
It’s really affecting me. He over reacts to this “pain” by waking me up at night and tossing and turning and moaning in bed. If I am in pain at night I get up and go downstairs to not disturb him. He wants me to be awake. He might curl up on the sofa and start whimpering cos his stomach hurts. Or start rocking back and forwards. Or start hitting his head if he has a “headache”
The thing is I’ve seen him in actual pain and know this isn’t how he really acts if he’s really ill or hurting. He’s been to the doctor and has had some mental help following the accident but I just don’t know how to deal with this. He is at the GP every few weeks and he never used to go.
I’m thinking it’s some kind of delayed ptsd but what on earth do I do?
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This is likely to be anxiety and I’ve been there with a loved one who rarely slept for six months for fear of dying from the ‘stomach ulcers’, the ‘brain tumour’, the ‘lung cancer’. I’m fairly sure that this anxiety was what led to an episode of anaphylaxis and the ensuing tests in hospital started to reassure him that there was nothing wrong.
It was awful to watch and I swung between despair, sympathy, anger and fear that he really was very poorly.
It wasn’t until I went to the doctor with him and told them that I was afraid for his life (because he was so anxious and depressed) that he began to comprehend that it might be all in his head. Finding the right GP, that he trusted, was vital.
It’s non existent now and it’s hard to believe that it ever happened but it wasn’t easy. I think you should push him to begin exploring the ‘medical issues’ that he thinks he has. He needs to hear from professionals that his symptoms do not have a cause.
One thing I wouldn’t do for much longer is offer any sympathy or understanding. Sometimes a harder approach is needed.
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@abdul Thank you for the reply. It is reassuring to know that someone else has been in this situation, and also reassuring to hear that maybe taking a hard line is more helpful to him. This is what I feel like I want to do, but I don’t want to push him away.
He is going to the GP again this morning and we are lucky to have an excellent doctor. I’m hoping that he will get the reassurance he needs again today or that the GP will recognise a pattern here. I want to go and see the GP myself to talk about my OH, but I realise that from the doctors view he can’t talk about it and it’s unethical.
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Very much sounds like anxiety. Poor you and poor him. I know what it’s like to obsess over something and it really is hard to break the cycle. I think the dr’s need to be quite clear with him that he is physically fine and that his pain is more likely to be anxiety related and that he needs to seek counseling rather than taking up gp time.
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If his GP will allow it, I would ring him with your concerns. Otherwise, would he let you accompany him to one of his appointments? That may be another way to discuss what’s happening.
Another thought: is he receiving prescription pain meds for these ailments? Is there a possibility that he’s addicted and trying to cover up the real problem?
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If his GP will allow it, I would ring him with your concerns. Otherwise, would he let you accompany him to one of his appointments? That may be another way to discuss what’s happening.
Another thought: is he receiving prescription pain meds for these ailments? Is there a possibility that he’s addicted and trying to cover up the real problem?
I will enquire as to whether or not I can speak with the GP. I would feel happier doing that than going to an appt with him…he is likely to get very reactive I think, as he has a tendancy to lose perspective on things anyway, and I think it would be easier to speak to the GP alone.
That’s a good thought, but he isn’t on anything at all meds wise now….I have prescribed codeine and he has taken these once or twice for the “pain” he is experiencing, but I would notice if they had gone down, so I am fairly certain it’s not that.
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My son had aliver transplant as a baby, which fortunately he doesn’t remember, but years later he was diagnosed with ptsd, as he worried constantly about his health and over reacted to any aches and pains, very difficult in a child, and I always worried we could miss something important by dismissing it. As he has got older it has become more difficult to discuss his care infront of the many doctors he still sees, as he becomes very anxious and depressed if he feels something isn’t right with his liver. I now write my concerns down and his doctors are happy to read this and tailor the appointment around what I have told them. My mother was in a difficult situation with an eldery friend who was really loosing it, had no close relatives to explain the issues, but the friend could cover up all their problems infront of the GP. Mum wrote to her friends GP who was more than happy to investigate further and her friend received the help they badly needed.
Perhaps dropping the GP a letter detailing how your husband is and how it is effecting you would help, I would always write and ask for the letter to be coppied into the notes. I hope he gets better very soon. -
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