Tinder Dating safe?

This topic contains 12 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by  cornershop 11 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #770

    jo
    Participant

    My son has a new girlfriend, apparently they met through Tinder and she is absolutely lovely and he looks very happy.

    I realise that I would never even gone out with my husband if we had put our details up on a match-making site. We have hardly anything in common, although we have a similar temperament. And we have been married for 36 years.
    We knew each other slightly for years before we went out together, it certainly wasn’t an instant attraction.

    So what are the long term effects of computer match making going to be? Longer lasting relationships because couples are more “suited.” Will it be the end of an unsuitable marriage where one is from a wildly different background to the other.

    Something to mull over.

  • #771

    paki
    Participant

    Mostly based on attraction and I suspect half the reason why marriages/relationships have a short life span in this day and age

  • #772

    kerry
    Participant

    The boys at work use Tinder when they feel the need to scratch an itch. I see it does also have longer term intent for some. Apparently one young boy met a girl who performed an intimate act in his car and they went their seperate ways. He tells me no money changed hands – very, very odd.
    I think it is sad that people can no longer meet ‘normally’ the number of desperate singles seems to increase every year.

  • #773

    nomad
    Participant

    I have a track record of only ever meeting boyfriends at festivals, so haven’t had to stress over Tinder… some of the messages my (girl) friends get are HORRENDOUS. Like I’m not a prude, but they’re just awful – makes me wonder why a man thinks it’s acceptable to ask certain things via message, when I highly doubt they’d do it so brazenly in a pub or supermarket (although there are of course the exceptions!).

    However I do have one close friend who met his girlfriend on Tinder, following their first date (trying to break into Glasto), they’ve been together for almost four years.

  • #774

    Aarav
    Participant

    I think it is sad that people can no longer meet ‘normally’ the number of desperate singles seems to increase every year.

    That’s due to a change in society though – longer working hours, decline of the local pub, and smaller, more scattered groups of friendships etc etc. Much easier to sit and swipe or scroll!

    I think it can work, I’ve made good friends out of guys I’ve met online, and know a number of successful long term relationships and/or marriages. The trick is to a) choose a decent site, not a hook up app like Tinder, and b) go in with the attitude of meeting and making new friends first.

    What it doesn’t help is the constant ‘oh there may be someone better, I’ll multiple date’ attitudes so what I’d call proper dating, or courting has died out somewhat.

  • #775

    holycow
    Participant

    I met my OH on it. I didn’t have any dodgy messages or contact with anyone other than seemingly well-intentioned men, but then I was very fussy and only ‘swiped’ on people who had gone to the effort of filling out a bio about themselves amd that came across well educated and in it for a relationship! I met a good man quite quickly, we’re well suited as we share a main interest (very easy to tell with App dating)

  • #776

    Sai
    Participant

    I met my OH through match.com – been together 6 years in February. I don’t think tinder was around then, it was PoF and that was plenty scary enough!!

    That said, it turned out that his parents place looks out over my aunts house, they regularly had her parrot in their tree when it escaped. They knew my grandmother too, OH used to work with friends of a friend and we frequented the same local county shows. So arguably we could’ve met in ‘real life’, but the dating site made it more likely ๐Ÿ˜€
    I think tinder is just a sign of the throwaway times – brush unwanted people or items to one side to go on to the next

  • #777

    kim
    Participant

    I was very cynical “oh I’d never go online dating it’s not safe etc”

    Clubbing only seemed to give the same old “will you come back to mine” (I never did) or exchanging numbers never to hear from them again. Did meet one through work a few years back and had a couple of dates but was very awkward at work after. He’s now a friend so his un-reliability doesn’t bother me any more!

    Seemed destined to be a future crazy cat lady and my friend was in long term relationship with someone off Plenty of Fish as was my cousin so signed up.

    Had a few dates with one of the first men I spoke to, but just wasn’t the connection my side. Still friends with him on fb and he’s in long term relationship.

    Had a few first date onlys and was thinking do I just give up.

    Glad I didn’t as met my oh of over a year and a half on there 😊

    It possibly helped I went in quite suspicious so if they seemed “dodgy” I phased out the talking. It helped on pof it says what their intention was eg looking for a relationship/ wants to date but nothing serious etc. I avoided the wanting to date but nothing serious as I was looking for something more long term, I also spoke to them for a couple of weeks as you can be having a normal conversation and they suddenly ask you to be their girlfriend when you haven’t actually met them yet…. they also had to be capable of holding a conversation that wasn’t just started “hey baby” or “hey babe” yep not met you or even spoken to you so I’m not your baby!

    It is at times hilarious (I should have written down what some of them wrote to me/ on their profile), it does feel naff when you’re getting on really well with one and arranging to meet up and poof they just disappear. It was frustrating if they were lovely but too far away.

    I think it gives you a chance to meet a wider range of men who you may never come across in “real life” I know I would never have met oh without it. He wanted to be exclusive after 3 dates and we deleted our profiles so it was nice he couldn’t be tempted by the wide variety of women who looked far prettier than me!

    Tinder on the other hand I wouldn’t touch as it seems much more of a hook up/ casual site than others. Hopefully I won’t need to but if I was single again I would use pof again.

  • #778

    cornershop
    Participant

    Online dating is hilarious! Yes you get some very weird, crazy and sometimes downright freaky messages etc but that’s just one aspect.

    I’ve made quite a few new friends and actually now met someone. There is no way I would have met him in real life so that is certainly one of the perks of online dating.

    Personally I don’t regard the likelihood of success of a relationship instigated online to be any different than meeting someone in ‘real life’.

    Plus, it’s great for eye candy, some of those creatures are just delicious

  • #779

    whirly
    Participant

    I don’t think Tinder existed when I met my OH, or at least wasn’t as well known as it is now. I met mine on PoF. There were plenty of hilarious and downright awful people on there – I lost count of the number of penis/ pants photos I was sent in messages. Plenty of guys (and presumably girls) on there just after one thing but they’re easy enough to filter out.

    I don’t see why a relationship that begins online should have any less chance of working than someone you meet in “real life”. My OH and I have been together 4.5 years and married for a year and a bit with a baby due in a few weeks, so it can work out. We’re very different but it works for us. In the past I’ve dated plenty of guys I met in RL who were v similar to me – we were participating in similar activities or social occasions, hence meeting in the first place, but it never worked. OH are almost polar opposites, have totally lots of different hobbies but also plenty of things we do enjoy doing together. It works for us.

  • #780

    jill
    Participant

    Tinder is great fun! I’ve had a few dates from it, they haven’t come to anything but I’ve had a nice time and met some interesting people (and some boring ones haha!).
    It’s fun swiping left (no) and right (yes), it feels like a game. Not everyone on Tinder is just out for the ride – though there are a fair few of them, both male and female, that are! And why not, if they are both consenting adults and know that a one night stand is all it is.
    I guess it depends what you put on your profile. If you put loads of boob shots and little information in your bio then guys may well assume you’re just out for some fun. If you write a bit about about yourself, choose your photos carefully and make it clear you’re not after a one night stand, then most of the guys just after sex will swipe left. Any that persist, you just unmatch them. Any you change your mind about, you just unmatch them. Any that annoy you with their lack of ability to spell: unmatch them! You never have to see or speak to them again. No explanations required!
    I’ve even found a HORSEY GUY through it, that i’m chatting to at the moment! Probably won’t come to anything but nice to have someone to chat horse to.

    My previous pulling tactics/meeting boyfriends has involved meeting in pubs after far too much alcohol. They have turned out to be wastemen, heavy drinkers, no house, no car, no ambition to get those things, no hobbies… Or worse.
    Tinder has enabled me to meet new people, outside my social circle, from different backgrounds, into different things.
    Might try PoF or Match one day but Tinder is so accessible and quick and easy to use, I’m quite happy with it for now!
    And I wouldn’t say I’m “desperate for a boyfriend” – in fact I don’t know if I actually have time for one, and am rather enjoying being single at the moment (split from ex in August). It’s just nice to have someone to chat to, and would be nice to have someone to come on walks with me and go for meals with. A “companion” (haaa would you believe I’m only 30?!) most of my friends have boyfriends, husbands, babies and can’t spend time with me like they used to, and I have loan horse and dogs and work 6 days/week so am also time poor.

    I’m rambling – basically, Tinder is great!

  • #781

    mel
    Participant

    Plus, itโ€™s great for eye candy, some of those creatures are just delicious

    @cornershop Crikey which site were you on?

    I met OH online, he didn’t have a profile picture and he messaged me at the exact moment I was about to delete my profile because I was fed up with getting pestered by 30-something-year-old men who fancied the idea of an “older woman”

    I am very glad I answered OH’s message though!

    ETS he’s not 30-something.

  • #782

    cornershop
    Participant

    @mel I joined pof, Jaumo and most recently Tinder because a friend recommended it.

    Have to admit I don’t really like tinder but it’s handy for getting back in touch with old friends I’d forgotten about.

    Pof, is crazy. Some of the messages and ‘job’ offers are jawdropping but made a few friends and also ended up with a ‘good’ job offer. Some gorgeous men on there too.

    Jaumo, now that’s where the real man candy is (yes, I’m superficial, I like pretty men haha). Sometimes the men are just as bad as on the other sites but it’s were I met the guy I’m seeing now. Also made some friends on there too, some from all over the world.

    All in all I’ve quite enjoyed my online dating experience.

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